Tuesday, September 23, 2014

24 season 10 !

20:33 British time ; 23:30 Jordanian time : over the phone with the mother

‘I really feel for him’ I truly did


‘And what about me ?!! ‘ She was getting even more furious


Oops!That needed to be reiterated right away  ‘Listen doc , you gave him a management role , he felt responsible and  he probably didn’t want to worry you …Now everybody is blaming my brother ...That’s being said. He could 've possibly handled it better than he did‘


‘Possiblly?!! Your father and I still needed to be kept in the loop ….’


‘if he was to let the staff bribe that corrupted officer once, what would guarantee that the officer won’t keep coming back for more?’


‘Nothing …but this is Baghdad for you that’s how it works …your brother didn’t only  keep us in the dark ,he informed Baghdad intelligence agency and a freaking undercover operation took place in my pharmacy with guns and what have you. All five pharmacists resigned same day...I got no staff to run the pharmacy now!!’


‘Ok…any gun shots in ‘‘this undercover operation ‘’?’


‘Triggers were pulled but no shots and no one got hurt …..Are you laughing  Seriously?’


‘Sorry mom  ...it’s not funny I know … at least no damage was done’ I thought it was hilarious to be honest…Probably because I’ve lived many of Baghdad’s wars and unrests…I was there when the civil war started …Still it was  abit hard for me to imagine that this bond easque style events could happen in a hospital in the city centre ‘But… We can definitely send this to 24 don’t you think? my sister did say they’re running out of ideas for their next series ‘


‘It’s a crap show ‘


‘I totally agree  ...hey at least we agreed on one thing here’


‘And your uncle was like why your businesses were being targeted by ISIS and now this, there must be a reason … his remarks are making me more nervous…’


‘Just ignore him  ...Why are you still in his place anyway?’


‘Oh dear, that’s a whole different story ...me and your brother decided to paint our apartment ‘

‘But …it’s newly painted!! ‘ I blurted  … why this tendency of creating extra work for herself …I thought but didn’t say it out loud though my tone gave it away


‘It’s a fancy paint… Anyways this Jordanian painter was being irrational. And …‘


She went on and on about the contractors  ...I lost the trail of events right after the paint story….

See what message my brother was getting after being reprimanded for wanting to put a dishonest police officer behind bars ..He’s a young man who still thinks that things can be fixed…granted, he almost got himself killed on few occasions because he couldn’t put up with crap ....the truth is I don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong anymore …One thing I was sure about though , a huge part of me is feeling sorry for him as I know too well how the parents can be sometimes , however the selfish part of me is certainly relieved ..I’ve been off the hook from their ’help’ for awhile …


 ‘… so I fired him’ she said finally and with those words I woke up again

‘Aha...good call’ was all I managed to say

‘And your dad is losing it …’

‘Grief , I don’t blame him  ...you and my brother are chilling/painting the apartment and he is left on his own in Baghdad ,the mad house…’

‘He installed more CCTVs, now you can’t miss a fly 

‘Home or work?’


 I found that irritating ‘I can’t understand the point behind them tbh ..so say we catch the bad guys on camera then what ..Without law enforcement, these bloody cameras are just making you paranoids ‘  as I was saying this I quickly realized that probably wasn’t a great idea …I didn’t think she’d called me to hear my opinion anyway ,She just wanted to talk. I thought I had to buffer the crap I’d  just said  ...’but I guess they can help ! Mom! Why don’t you forget about Baghdad for a sec and enjoy Amman, go out maybe ?’

‘Ok ..Maybe..I m sorry how are you?

‘see that was easy ! I’m ok ‘

…a pause

‘I feel better now thank you’ I didnt think she was saying the truth

‘Glad you do’

And then ...as she always does, she just hang up …


The few minutes I spent on the phone were emotionally loaded…I would have thought that in their forties , my parents would be able to at least not let things get to their head… I was definitely wrong about that ! maybe I needed to put what happened  in perspective ..Lives at stake and a lot of uncomfortable decisions to be made … It isn’t easy …

You know what I can go on and on about it but  I’ll call it a day here


Keep smiling best friends

Sunday, September 14, 2014

The bluest eyes

Place: work

Time: late

Date: quite recent

I was sitting in the doctor's office, door shut; in front of the computer screen doing some paper work for the next day. I’ve been under quite a bit of scrutiny recently so I was trying out some strategies to achieve more work – nothing is working so far as it’s proven to be a bloody vicious circle!!-.
I finished the very last bit of work that day....hallelujah!! Time to go home J ... fished  my blazer out of a heap of coats hanging behind the door causing all the coats to fall over on the floor (note to self ; apply for a locker next week!) then kneeled down to grab my bag and laptop from under the desk and ...I think I must have taken a bit longer than expected as my mind decided to wander off beyond the confined little dark space from under my desk when I started thinking ‘again’ about the little black girl ... I can’t seem to get this little black girl off my head recently ...She who wanted to have the bluest eyes a human could possibly have. The thought to me was absolutely sickening...I couldn’t sympathise with her even though I knew exactly how unloved and unlovely she was.
(The bluest eye) an African American classic fiction by Nobel Prize winner, Toni Morrison, was probably my first book of this category. I read it a while ago but this intriguing read is haunting me nowadays; the characters were so vivid that it was a heavy and disturbing piece of literature as well. When I first read the book I couldn’t comprehend why anyone would want to be a freak just to fit in what defined beauty in their surroundings .I mean I don’t know about you but very blue eyes with a very dark skin thank you very much .However, that was all what Precola was asking Jesus for .And all she got at the end was an utter and complete self destruction.
But what I found most interesting is how my understanding of Precola’s wish has evolved ... I now know exactly how she felt because for that past couple of weeks, I’ve been feeling exactly the same way. I felt bullied and discriminated against for things I have no control over...  it was so bad that  I wanted those blue eyes so desperately as well. I didn’t get to read the memo that trashed me but it was read to me as I was sitting in the office of a very important chap who does an apparently very important job covering  a big chunk of England ..The only thing I could think of at the time were those blue eyes..I wouldn’t have been here listening to some made up crap if I had them!
‘You OK?’ the door was hastily opened
Oh for f##k sake not now... well, at least I had enough time to hang the pile of coats back ‘Yeah I am .. it’s been a busy day ... ‘  shhhhh..deep breath    ‘in a good way ‘...ok time to go home
‘Sorry I startled you ,its just I didn’t hear you giggle today ..hmm ..It was hard when Mrs. P passed away. isn’t it ?’
Berrr-fect exactly what I needed! I already have a crazy therapist thank you .. I wasn’t too keen on talking bereavement stuff either  ... I wanted to disappear right away but how... I wasn’t going to talk to this lady about the panic I felt when Mrs P passed away earlier that day ,I so wanted her to stay alive but that had nothing to do with anybody..It had nothing to do with what I was pondering about under the desk anyway ‘I ..think it was...oh god those bags are heavy ..Ok  see you tomorrow then  
‘Bye ‘
you keep smiling best friends :)