Wednesday, June 15, 2011

I'm not in love

I finally had this idea of telling him that  through a song ..just for the record, I thought its a bad idea from the start but I did it anyways... I sent him 'I'm not in love'  by 10cc with lyrics!! ...yea so insensitive and tremendously stupid and this is not a conclusion... it was simply my opinion from the start...
wat do i feel right now ? well ... pure guilt mingled with relief maybe i dunno .. I just have to face the fact that I couldn't have done it face to face ...

 Now? everything is worse as expected ....he didnt take it so well which makes working with him something next to impossible ...which means I have to change departments which means more working hours ..which if means anything at all then it just solidifies the fact that ,when it comes to me and guys, stupidity has no limits ...

great... said it now I can go study

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Birthday Girl


My birthday was few days ago …that day , together with today's explosion, got me  into thinking of a rather funny question ….Can anyone tell me why am I still alive ?! Anyone?!! one might say, 24 years is not a lot… but I'm livin in a  war zone for god sake ….quite a few  colleagues and friends ,people my age, had already kicked the bucket and today I was thinking why it's taking me so long…
The irony is I didn’t get killed when the death poll in Iraq , few years back ,was  3000 a month that’s 100 a day… 2 and a half millions lives and still counting …I mean just do the math ,my odds are high ,so what's going on here?! Why on earth am I still here? Lucky or merely doomed?.. I don’t know anymore really
They say unless a man undertakes more than he can possibly do ,he will never do all that he can …I dont think thats true anymore 
The closest I came to death was ,3 years ago, when I missed an explosion by 2-3 min , I can still vividly remember waiting for my university  bus and once it left , the bus stop was like   BANG!! I thought I was lucky at the time, now; I seriously doubt that.
Not a birthday mode? totally agree …but  tell that to people who insist to make our life worse …tell that to ma seniors who think  I'm a robot  …. Well I'm not …I wish you can tell that also to the people I love…
I shouldn’t feel this way ….why shouldn’t I? coz no one has ever  felt what I'm feelin now?!you think that ? no one occasionally gets into fed –up-I- can't-do –all-of this-at once mode…this doesn’t happen to  anyone no?  ..Just me seriously mankind gimme a break I want to fall this time … I'm blue and I'm happy that I'm blue